The Space Corps Directives Manual
#001

It is a prime, overriding duty to contact other lifeforms, exchange information,and, whenever possible, bring them home.

#003

By joining Star Corps. each individual tacitly consents to give up his inalienable rights to life, liberty, and adequate toilet facilities.

#005

The ship's computer may be replaced when its actions lead to the gross endangerment of personnel.

#147

Crew members are expressly forbidden from leaving their vessel except on production of a permit. Permits can only be issued by the Chief Navigation Officer, who is expressly forbidden from issuing them except on production of a permit.

#169

States that in a emergency hologram situation, the holograms must be placed on a time share schedule.

#195

Clearly states that in an emergency power situation, a hologrammatic crew member must lay down his life in order that the living crew members might survive.

#312

All quarantine berths must provide minimum leisure activities.

#349

Any officer found to have been slaughtered and replaced by a shape-changing chameleonic life form shall forfeit all pension rights.

#497

A crew member must work to earn credits for food.

#592

In an emergency situation involving two or more officers of equal rank,seniority will be granted to whichever officer can program a VCR.

#595

Allows you to keep people in Quarantine for a period of 3 months, however if the people can use 699 to demand a re-screening after five days, if no trace of disease is found they can leave Quarantine.

#597

One berth per registered crew member in Quarantine.

#699

A quarantined crew member can request a re-screening after a period no less than 5 days.

#723

Terraformers are expressly forbidden from recreating Swindon.

#997

Work done by an officer's doppelganger in a parallel universe cannot be claimed as overtime.

#1694

During temporal disturbances, no questions shall be raised about any crew member whose time sheet shows him or her clocking off 187 years before he clocked on.

#1742

No member of the Corps should ever report for active duty in a ginger toupee.

#1743

No registered vessel should attempt to transverse an asteroid belt without deflectors.

#5796

No officer above the rank of mess sergeant is permitted to go into combat with pierced nipples.

#5797

A crew member is unable to enter the ship for the safety of the crew when in an area of chameleonic lifeforms.

#7214

To preserve morale during long-haul missions, all male officers above the rank of First Technician must, during panto season, be ready to put on a dress and a pair of false breasts.

#7713

The log must be kept up to date at all times with current service records, complete mission data, and a comprehensive and accurate list of all crew birthdays so that senior officers may avoid bitter and embarrassing silences when meeting in the corridor with subordinates who have not received a card.

#34124

No officer with false teeth should attempt oral sex in zero gravity.

#43872

Suntans will be worn during off-duty hours only.

#68250

A Rabbi shall sacrifice one or more chickens in an attempt to solve a crisis situation.

#196156

Any officer caught sniffing the saddle of the exercise bicycle in the women's gym will be discharged without trial.


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